Christmas is over. The hubby has gone back to places far away. The older boys have gone back to their dad's. The tree is down, decorations put away. The two kids and I are left here trying to get back to our "normal." The word doesn't seem right since normal should be with a complete family. We are alone here, the three of us, more then we are with the hubby or the older kids. It is sad, but this little trio is our normal. The hardest part is the first few days. All the questions about where every one is and when they will be back. Jr likes to have a number so he can count down. Since we never know when the hubby will be back, I always give him a big number like 150 days! It helps him to see that it will be a long time. He is not ok with that, but it helps him to understand it. Em doesn't understand. She thinks daddy and her brothers live at the airport or they are somewhere we can just drive to. She told me today that my car is fast enough to make it to Daddy's work far away. I told her Daddy lives past a lot of water. She told me to just drive a long way around the water. She misses her daddy a lot. Jr does too but he seems to accept it more. I showed him on a map once how far daddy was. I know he doesn't "know" the distance, but he accepts it is too far for us to go. Em does not accept it. To her, we should be able to drive to where he is. So, I keep trying to give explanations and times to them both while helping them adjust to our normal again.
Getting back to normal is hard on me as well. I always hate that for days after he leaves, I am still seeing reminders of him being here. Today it was in the laundry. I found some of his clothes mixed in with ours. It probably sounds odd to most, but I need to purge my house of the reminders. It kills me to see that he was just here and gone again. So I need to put away those things so that I can continue on. The clothes, the extra towels, the shaving stuff, the coffee mugs... Once I purge, I get better. To be honest, a visit like this is harder on me then when he first leaves. When he first leaves, we spend months "preparing" and knowing that is coming. Then he is gone and I adjust to being here without him. Then, just when I can say that I am doing ok, he comes home and throws it all off. These visits remind me of how much I love having him home. When he leaves again, I miss him twice as much. However, it is all so worth it. We cherish any time we get to spend with him. So I purge the house to get back to normal.
It has been over a week now. I think we are doing pretty good. The kids are back to themselves. No more over emotional break downs. They still ask about their daddy and they will, almost daily. That is good. That shows that they love him. It also shows that he is a great daddy and loves them too. Our normal is not like other normals, but it ours and we have found a way to live it!
Now some pictures we managed to get of us all here. We couldn't get one with all six since someone always had to be taking the picture. Hopefully this summer we can get some family pictures done before C goes off to college.
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